Millie Lee's blog

Bye VOX

I'm switching back to my previous blogspot..

Why?

Because I've discovered that VOX sucks...

See you back at http://millie-millieblogmillieblog.blogspot.com/

Happy CNY & brain & heart

Ok,I'm sorry I haven't been updating my blog for a while now,but hey!I'm back in Kuching having fun,so you got to forgive my forgetfulness!Haha!

First thing's first,Happy Chinese New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =)

Being back in Kuching is great,the sense of belonging,the familiarity,it's just great.I have to say,I haven't been this happy for quite a while now.

Anyways,remember the thing that was bothering me before I came back?Oh...Wait..I didn't mention what that was..But that's not the point,really.The point is that,that thing is no longer bothering me anymore,not even one bit,to be honest.It's a weird feeling but it just disappeared.So,hooray for that one...BUT!Now with that thing aside,a new thing has appeared.

I've been thinking,maybe it's my problem.I really really have a problem with relationship stuff.I just don't know what the heck I'm thinking and what's that I want.I feel like I'm easy to be manipulated,my mood,my thoughts,my needs...This is so tiring...But you know what's even more tiring?Having to think about the future.I hate thinking bout the future because I can't see what's in it.I always halt when I think about the future,and it always causes me problems.I can't do what I want to because I'm worried about what might happen in the future.I know people will tell me that I should enjoy life at this moment and worry less about the future.To some point,I agree with it and I do want to live that kind of life.But somehow,I just can't!My brain just starts thinking and starts worrying my heart.My brain and my heart are like two separate being with very different and extreme characters..

What is that I need?
What I need is someone to lead the way and talk me through these things.....Haiyaaa.....

Anyways,Happy Chinese New Year,again!

[Untitled]

You know what I think?

I think I should be banned from thinking.

The more I think,the more problems I'd create for my own heart.

I'm so ready to run away from my problems for now and not think about what has been bothering me for the past week.

Where would I run to?

A familiar place where I can feel safe and be myself and have all the distractions I want---Kuching.

I hope that everything will turn out well.

It's time to give this brain of mine a rest it deserves.

haiya..

As of recently,maybe for the past two or three days,I'm feeling really weird,emotionally.

Usually,no matter how bad things are,I always manage to feel refresh after a good night sleep.But that didn't happen to me lately,in fact,I'm even having trouble sleeping.I'd lie on my bed with my eyes shut,but my mind just keep on working,thinking about stuff that I won't want to.One hour into the so-called "sleep",I'm still mentally wide awake.It's the most tormentuos thing ever.Due to the inability to fall asleep as I'd like to,I wake up feeling,not upset,not angry,not cranky---just weird.Normally,after a sleep,regardless of the quality,I'd wake up smiling and happy.But,recently,I woke up without a smile,I didn't feel the satisfaction that one is suppose to experience after a sleep.Smiling has somehow become a redundant thing for me to do,I just don't feel as positive at all.

Even when I eat,I somehow can't taste the food that goes into my mouth.I mean I can taste the flavour of it,but my brain seems to be too occupied with its own problem that it's not receiving the signal my taste buds are sending.I eat but I don't feel the satisfaction afterwards.Opening my mouth to chew on food felt like such a watse of my energy,and it feels like my body is constantly deprived,of something.

When I went running the other day,my body felt so heavy that half way through my run,I just felt like giving up.It's not because I ran out of energy,it was more like someone unknowingly threw 10 more kilos onto my shoulders.It's emotional,not physical.

I'm hoping it's just the hormonal change,then I'd feel better after my period.Though there's a big chance that PMS is behind all these,deep down inside,I knew what was the other non-biological thing that has been triggering these unfortunate events.

Where's my endorphin?I need my endorphin,N-O-W!

Why the hell?!

Some people just never learn...*points to self*

Don't ask...It's pathetic of me to even be thinking about it...

Urrgggh~I feel sick in the stomach and my head feels like bursting..

Yuck!

It's not me..It's the weather..

Yea...

I'm pretty sure it's the weather that has been acting up..Not me..Ppfffttt..It couldn't be me,right?Ppppfffttt~

I mean after all the new year resolutions and all... *awkward laugh* It couldn't be me,must be the hot weather..

Ha......... *awkward silence*

Love is like a game..Really?

Some say,"love is nothing but like a game".Now,I know there are people out there who don't like that analogy at all,but before you go all bonkers trying to justify otherwise,just give me a chance and hear me out.I'm neither for or against that metaphor,but for this post,let's just throw away all the differences we all have and pretend that we all agree with that statement.

If love really is like a game,what kind of game do you think it should be?Scrabble?Monopoly?Super Mario?

It all really depends on how you see it,really.But for now,I'd say love is more like a game of Tetris.

As we all may have already known,in the game of Tetris,7 different blocks come down from the top screen in random orders and what we have to do is arrange these blocks so that we can not only score,but ultimately keep the game going for as long as we can.This is a simple,yet very addictive game,and also one of the few games that is non-repetitive at all.

Just like a classic game of Tetris,we start off a relationship with a blank screen,we can see what the first block is and can easily place it anywhere we like because we have plenty of space for that first block to drop.Sometimes the first block may be a tricky one,like the S or the Z block,but if you are careful enough,you can almost always fill in the missing gap as the second block comes down.

Like a good game of Tetris,a relationship can only cruise along smoothly if we place our blocks in the right order and score.Every move we take in a relationship is like placing the blocks in Tetris.If we don't nurture what we have,it'll soon reach the top of the screen and we'll crash and lose the game eventually.

As we carefully build on our blocks,there will be times when we accidentally place the wrong block in the wrong place,i.e. when we say or do the wrong things to our partners unintentionally.We can only resolve the mistake by paying more attention to the ones that come after and make sure they fall in the right place that we wanted.If you keep putting the wrong blocks in the wrong places,you'll end up ruining your relationship,as you would to your Tetris game.However,(I just discovered this)sometimes the placement of the wrong block can bring benefits as well,when you arrange the ones that come after in the appropriate manner,you'd usually score more than you normally would.

We usually don't need anyone to teach us from beginning to end on how to play Tetris,same goes to relationship.Sure,we might not know what to do with the first few blocks,but as we game on,we'll soon discover the magic of it.Relationship requires actual involvement in order for you to recognise the beauty and technique of it.There're also no certain rules that you must follow in the game of Tetris,so long as you can keep the game going,no one really cares how you arrange the block in between.Like in a relationship,no one can tell someone else how to run their relationship so long as the two involved are satisfied with what they have.There are tips for running a smoother game,but ultimately,it is the person's decision to make.

One thing I found most identical between Tetris and relationship is that,there is no turning back.Once the move is being made,you cannot undo it.It's like when you do something that hurts your partner's feeling,there's no way you can undo it.All you can do is make sure you don't repeat the same mistake again,and if the following moves work out well,eventually that mistake will go away and hopefully be forgotten.But some mistakes don't,no matter how hard you try to resolve it,the trace of existance will still be there.Sometimes you might even end up losing the game just because of one stupid block.It really depends on how big the mistake was.

In Tetris,we are given to choice to end the game at anytime simply by pressing the start button.However,ending a relationship is not so much like ending a Tetris game.Ending a relationship is cruel and upsetting but all you need is a thumb to end your game of Tetris.Some Tetris games are even better,you can pause it and just leave it there,the next time you feel like playing with it again,you can start with where you've left off.But there's no such thing in real relationship,people take a break from their relationship but rarely do they continue from the exact same point where they left off.I'm not saying it doesn't happen at all,but rarely.People usually start off in a whole new dimension as the dynamic of the relationship has now changed.

It has now become pretty pointless for me to continue on comparing Tetris and relationship since I've already stated so much.All that's left is for you guys to give it a thought yourself and come out with the 'like-s' and 'no-s' between the two,or even better,you can start relating relationship to a whole new game.

Okay,so now I'm done with my post.We can all go pick up the differences that we threw away earlier in this post and get on with our life.Haha! *lame*

Think about this

Alright,I know it has been quite a while since I wrote my book review.It's just that I've been too darn lazy to do any readings so I hadn't gone round the next few chapters yet.But I promise it will come soon.I'm half way through the book now.

I was just thinking about this one particular thing for a while now,is that how big of an impact can one person have in our life.We all live our life in a different way,but one thing for sure is that no matter how you live it,someway along the road,this one person will come along and change your life unknowingly.Whether it'll be a change for the good or bad,no one really knows.

Each day of waking up to this world,you'll never know who you'll bump into the moment you walk out the door.

Think of it this way,somewhere out there,you'll get really close to this someone that you've never really expected to be,sometime in the near future.Perhaps,that someone will be the person who would change your perspective of life.Maybe they won't be doing it on purpose,but the dynamic that you share will eventually induce the happening of it.

For those of you who made new friends for the past two years,think about the process how you get to know each other that well.For those of you who are in a relationship with a relatively new person,think about how you get to develop that feelings for each other.For those of you who stopped talking to old friends for the past few years,think about what drew you apart from each other.For those of you who just ended a relationship,think about what happened in between the relationship and why it happened.

If you start to think about these questions,you'll slowly realise how fate has a weird but amazing way of making the different dynamic change. 

Think about this

Alright,I know it has been quite a while since I wrote my book review.It's just that I've been too darn lazy to do any readings so I hadn't gone round the next few chapters yet.But I promise it will come soon.I'm half way through the book now.

I was just thinking about this one particular thing for a while now,is that how big of an impact can one person have in our life.We all live our life in a different way,but one thing for sure is that no matter how you live it,someway along the road,this one person will come along and change your life unknowingly.Whether it'll be a change for the good or bad,no one really knows.

Each day of waking up to this world,you'll never know who you'll bump into the moment you walk out the door.

Think of it this way,somewhere out there,you'll get really close to this someone that you've never really expected to be,sometime in the near future.Perhaps,that someone will be the person who would change your perspective of life.Maybe they won't be doing it on purpose,but the dynamic that you share will eventually induce the happening of it.

For those of you who made new friends for the past two years,think about the process how you get to know each other that well.For those of you who are in a relationship with a relatively new person,think about how you get to develop that feelings for each other.For those of you who stopped talking to old friends for the past few years,think about what drew you apart from each other.For those of you who just ended a relationship,think about what happened in between the relationship and why it happened.

If you start to think about these questions,you'll slowly realise how fate has a weird but amazing way of making the different dynamic change. 

无聊谈之男人---Stanley vs Edison (重点是video！哈哈！)

今天，我想要讲得就是关于ABC。不是英文的ABC，指的而是American Born Chinese。

指的也别无他人，而是麻吉！

麻吉有谁？让我来为你温习一遍。

麻吉大哥---黄立成

麻吉“缘投”---黄立行

麻吉小胖子---李玖哲

麻吉弟弟---周立铭

 

应该还有很多，可是我不管了~呵呵！因为，最喜欢的已经讲到了~ =P

 

麻吉，说真的，他们团里面好像没有样子长的特别帅的，可是，他们就有那一份魅力。他们的魅力来自于哪里呢？就是来自他们对于自己母语的那份执着。

先撇开小胖Nicky别说，因为他是韩国人。再来，就是把麻吉弟弟先放一边，因为他的曝光率还没有很高。

黄立成和黄立行虽然是不折不扣得ABC(虽然都在台湾出生的)，行为举止都很ABC，可是，跟别的ABC不同的是，他们不单英文溜得很，连华语也说的不错，更难得的是，他们的台语既然也是可以说是超标准的。他们的音乐，我最喜欢的就是他们独有的美式台语Hip-hop。那感觉，听了很爽！只能说，“吊”真的很适合他们。

两兄弟里，我还是比较喜欢Stanley，因为他比哥哥高。我个人比较喜欢高男。嘿嘿~

Stanley本身就会莫明其妙的散发出一股坏男孩的魅力，他吊而郎当的当儿，却又有本事靠自己的才华赚钱。他虽然有个playboy look，可是就是会让女生情不自禁的想要征服他。他给人的感觉不做作，很精灵，什么事都会先看情况了才行动，幽默当儿又不显得幼稚。 个人认为10个ABC当中，有7个男生的思想是极度幼稚的。Jeff & Stanley是少数的2个。这或许是因为，他们都已年过30，所以才会不再幼稚吧！我想，这就是我为甚么会觉得男生年纪大一点比较好，我超级无敌不喜欢头脑幼稚的男生，他们会让我受不了到会抓狂的一个程度。

黄立行不是帅哥，可是他是个正统男人，浑身都会散发出男人味。(本人是没有嗅过啦~哈哈！)我觉得这种男人比较吸引我。帅哥是很好看，可是，对我来说就真的是个花瓶，只有想看的冲动，看了就算了，那样nia~

所以说， 男人比较重要的还是那股魅力和气慨，正气和认真，幽默和成熟，脑袋和(当然，本人的最爱)身材！XD 哈哈！不要像健美先生那样的，那个太geli了。像黄立行那样的就ok了，哈哈！我所指的脑袋，并不是说要求很高，不要脑袋装草和幼稚就好了。

哎呀~突然觉得很难用文字解释我对男人的看法咧~好啦！这样讲可能会比较容易一点。

如果你问我陈冠希和黄立行，谁比较帅？我会毫不犹豫地回答你说，陈冠希。

如果你问我陈冠希和黄立行，谁比较有男人魅力，答案肯定是黄立行。

如果你问我单凭感觉，我会比较想要谁当男友，我会毫不犹豫地回答你说，答案肯定是黄立行。

陈冠希对我来讲，太过爱耍坏了，太做作了，我喜欢他真的纯粹只是贪图他的“美色”罢了。哈！(讲到像真的要选老公那样，哈！)

 

缘投与阿丑，虽然是旧歌，可是很好听，很有趣！p.s the kids voices really belong to them..

 

Jeff & Stan

yo jeff 我知道你知道我比你厉害
想不出来为什么你要跟我弄这条
靠  什么时候变得这样臭屁
别忘了我是哥哥你是弟弟
你若赢过我是让你
你是让我 以前你也没这么大胆
你若敢就来拼看谁第一名
一个猴子带一群狗子
一个狗子跌入沟子
一个狗子回去找钩子
钩那个狗子从水沟出来
那个大家都听过
不然来个新的
那个狗子从沟子自己爬出来
给那整群狗子知道那一个狗最厉害
踢那个老猴到沟子里
jeff 那个老猴就是你  嘿嘿

我 十个月就开始走路
啊你两岁半 只知道一句哈啰
黑白讲我两岁就在游泳
啊你呢

我忘记了
但是我记得你常常尿在水里
我记得你常常尿在你的裤子里
我三岁就在骑铁马
我三岁半就在骑真的马
我四岁就是karate冠军
我也是那天比赛就有奖品分
别再比 横正我早生你两年
横正你早死两年

yo stan yea what up?
你记不记得以前大家都分不出我们
说我们是双胞胎
我记得但是我怎么看都看不出来
因为一个叫缘投一个叫阿丑
两个都是同样妈妈爸爸生出来
一个小时候坏一个小时候乖
两个都是同样妈妈爸爸生出来
我是用右手我是用左手打枪
我开machi公司我帮你投资
我写这个歌给我们两个来唱
给我唱 你来配舞
man forget you

这篇叫"选择"。没关系!可以直接跳到最后一段看，因为我也觉得废话还满多

这个月，教堂的主题是"Decision making",很自然的今天牧师讲的道，也是和"Decision making"有关的。

我们的人生历程，莫过于做出适当的“选择”。

回想起我这20年的人生里，的确是面对了很多的不同层面的“抉择”，虽然有时后决定权不在我手上，可是还是无法逃避它。

打从我这颗受精卵开始存在的时候，“选择”早已经开始使出它的功力了。

21年前的一天，我的爸妈选择了相爱，从而让我开始有了生命。

虽然，那个时候要养3个小孩子已经是个很困难的任务，他们还是选择了让我活下来，让我享有和其他小孩一样的关爱。说实在，当老么有时还真艰苦啊!尤其是当你前面排满了兄弟姐妹，存亡更是在一线之差，分分钟都会成为还没机会长大的胚胎枉魂。我好像那年就差一点 "boh ti ki"。兴啊!当时，爸妈的意志坚定，没有被那个他妈的经济给影响到。

好啦~9个月过后，无敌可爱的BB终於瓜瓜坠地啦~

阿公给爸妈一系列的名字，让他们做出选择。

又一次的兴啊!爸爸妈妈选择了“李敏妃”而不是“李敏珠”，不然，我有预感我将会是一个超级俗仔的肥婆！不要误会，我不是讲世界上凡事叫“李敏珠”的都会是超级俗仔的肥婆，只是指如果本人的名字是的话而已。

然后，就是我的英文名字。妈妈当时也选择了把我名为“Millie”而不是“Milo”。

到目前为止，长辈们为我做出的选择都还不赖，至少对我都有很大的益处。

 

要说我真正为自己做的第一个重大决定，就是选择到一中念中学，而不是晋中。爸妈也选择了尊重我的抉择，虽然偶尔还是会碎碎念一下。这的一个决定，我一直到现在都没有后悔过，而且觉得是特对的。

到了高二，我选择继续念完高三，也是一个我不后悔的决定。念完高三，我随着爸妈的选择来到了柏斯，自己选择了Curtin而不是UWA。

自我懂事的6年来(小学都不懂事，只懂玩！)，第一次感觉到自己走错了。柏斯并没有不好，或许只是因为我们之间擦不出美丽的火花，所以那感觉就很差。但是，既然已经做了选择，无论多困难都应该要硬着头皮走下去。

在学生交换的时候，又遇到一个难以抉择的分叉路。最后，我选择了回到柏斯完成我的degree。说实在，后来那感觉糟透了，那感觉称不上是后悔，但就是不开心。可是，我告诉我自己，这是我自己坚持要做的选择，所以不可以因为不开心和没耐心而打退堂鼓。我一直都相信，人是需要经过磨炼才能成材。虽然，我这个“材”或许不会是天才的“才”，而是木材的“材”，但总比不能被摩擦的火“柴”好。。 (好啦！对不起啦！很烂的比喻，我懂~)

总而言之，我相信上帝之所以会让我做出这样的选择，必定会有他的道理在。

 

要惨啊!!!写到这里我完全不知道要怎样结尾去!!!!为什么?!!!难道是头脑生锈了???

 

总之，我要说的就是，既然是已做出的选择，就无谓再为它感到惋惜或是后悔。最重要的是把路途中所学习到的铭记于心，当做经验。而不是，一再地埋怨和懊恼。更应该把握时间，想一下下步应该要如何扭转乾坤。(我懂得用“扭转乾坤”，chim leh~)